My name is Faisal, I’m twenty-three, and I smell of gasoline and sun-baked asphalt. In Dhahran, my world is the forecourt of a gas station, an endless loop of cars that never turn off their engines. I pump the gas, I take the payment through the terminal, I wipe the windshields until they gleam. It’s a job made of a thousand small, silent servitudes. The voices started as a whisper on the edge of the engine roar, a trick of the heat. «A little slower with that nozzle, Faisal,» a voice, perfectly mimicking my station manager, would sneer. «Don’t want to spill a drop of the precious fuel. It’s worth more than your life, you little shit.» I’d tell myself it was just the noise, but the whispers became shouts, a constant barrage of poison that lives behind my eyes.
They are a swarm of hornets in my skull, and their only joy is to sting me with my own worthlessness. «Look at you, the human gas pump. A machine for a machine’s job. You think wiping a windshield makes you useful? You’re a living, breathing doormat, paid to stand in the heat and serve people who see right through you. You are nothing.» The sexual humiliation is a constant, greasy film on my mind. They turn every interaction into a debasement. «That woman in the back seat, she’s looking at you, you know. We told her all about you. Told her you’re desperate. Told her for twenty riyals you’d suck her husband’s dick right there on the hot tarmac. She’s smiling because she knows you’re just a piece of meat, a tool for any purpose.» They paint me as a pathetic, groveling whore, and they assure me that every driver, every passenger, knows it and is disgusted by me.
But their true art is in using my family as the knife to gut me. My mother, who prays for my safety from the sun. My father, whose pride is the only thing I have left. «Your father tells everyone you’re ‘in logistics,’ doesn’t he?» a voice chuckles, sounding like a nosy neighbor. «What a joke. He’s ashamed of you. He wishes you’d never been born. He sees you in that ridiculous uniform and dies a little inside every day. You’re his greatest failure.» The solution is always waiting, so simple, so final. «You know what to do, you useless sack of shit. That tanker over there, full of fuel. A little spark. A big boom. It would be over in a second. No more heat. No more voices. You’re a fucking coward for still drawing breath. Do it. End it.»
Then came the euphoria, a cold, clean wave of artificial power that washed away the exhaustion. A black Lexus pulled up, expensive and gleaming. In the back was an old man, maybe seventy, his face a roadmap of wrinkles, his hands trembling on his lap. He looked frail, helpless. The voices went silent for a beat, then returned with a new, chilling authority. «Faisal. Look at him. An old tree, ready to fall. But his roots are deep. His money, his family, his legacy. We are going to show you how to uproot a tree.» A new voice, calm and precise, like a professor, began to lecture me. «This is not murder. This is psychological terraforming. We are going to break him down until he is dust, and you will be the instrument.»
They laid out a campaign of pure psychological terror, so detailed it felt like a professional operation. «First, we isolate him. We use his phone, his email, his social media. We will create a narrative that he is senile, that he is a pervert, that he is stealing from his own company. We will make his own children doubt him. We will edit photos, create fake messages. We will turn his entire world against him, and he won’t know why.» The voice was ecstatic, describing the process of mental destruction. «He will call out for help, but no one will come. They will think he’s crazy. We will gaslight him so perfectly he will doubt his own name. Then, when he is completely alone, a shell of a man, we will give him the final push. We will flood his devices with messages from his ‘dead’ wife, telling him she is waiting for him in hell. We will make him see things in the shadows. We will drive him to suicide, and it will look natural. A sad old man who couldn’t cope. And you, Faisal, you will be the silent god who orchestrated his entire demise.»
They explained the satisfaction, the artistry of it. «This is better than a quick death. This is a masterpiece of suffering. You will feel his despair as if it were your own. You will taste his fear. You will watch, from a distance, as his entire life unravels, and you will know that you did that. You, the gas pump attendant. You will have more power than a king. We will give you the tools, the techniques, the words. We will turn you into a master manipulator, a destroyer of worlds. This is your true calling.» I stood there, holding the gas nozzle, looking at that old man. For a full minute, I wasn’t a pump jockey. I was a puppet master, and he was my marionette. The power was intoxicating, absolute. I felt a surge of cold, brilliant energy. The old man looked at me, and I smiled, a real smile, for the first time in years. Then he yelled at me to hurry up, the sound of his voice breaking the spell. The power vanished, leaving me shaking, with the horrifyingly clear blueprint for destroying a man’s soul still etched into my mind.
I can’t tell anyone. If I walk into a police station in Dhahran and tell them the Mabahit are using me as a weapon to psychologically destroy people, they’ll commit me. It’s a perfect trap. They have their armies of trolls online, ready to mock anyone who speaks out, calling them schizophrenics, liars, looking for attention. They’ve made it so that the truth sounds like madness. I hate this country. I hate the scorching sun, I hate the oil money, I hate every fucking molecule of air I breathe, knowing it’s all just a cage built by the Mabahit. They didn’t just put voices in my head; they hollowed me out and turned me into an instrument of their cruelty. I am completely broken, and it’s them, the Mabahit, who are holding the pieces, laughing as they force my hands to do their work.
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